I get a lot of email from readers, mostly to sell viagra and pictures and stuff, but I do get the rare "need advice" letter.

Here's one:

Dear Bulletproofvest,

My girlfriend's been reading your blog lately. She says you're a funny writer. She says to me, "Why can't you be as funny as this guy?" You've given me problems now. I hate you.

Thanks,

[Name removed]

My answer:

Dear [name]

I apologize. I can't help being funny! It's really all I've got to impress the girls.

Thanks,

Bulletproofvest

P.S. Can you send me a pic of your girlfriend? Thanks, man!

Here's another one:

Dear Bulletpoint,

I really like your blog. I also think that you are nicer, kinder and handsomer in person. You should stop faking it.

XXX

My answer:

Dear [name]

Outstanding! I'm very flattered that you like my blog. How do you know me personally? Or are you just sensing that about me? I can't fake a good thing, but if you send me a picture, maybe we can talk about it.

Bulletproofvest

P.S. Please try not to refer to me as bulletpoint.
P.P.S. "Handsomer" is not a word, I think. But send me your pic, and we'll talk about it.