"BAWAL ANG PROXY DITO." And the group laughed in a humiliating chorus, much like an avante-garde choir trying to pull off the Hallelujah Chorus. Imagine that. FUCK.

I swear I could've killed the person who said that. Even if that was a joke it was still tactless enough to offend the most insensitive of guests. Hey, I never came there and pretended that I owned Nostalgia Manila. Right? I informed you guys, politely and as friendly as I could ever be, that I was simply a mere proxy. A legal one at that if you'd think there was an illegal proxy.

So maybe I didn't demand that much respect from the volunteers to treat me as good as Bryanboy or the other nominees since I was only a fan of NM. That the people I was sitting with in the event were the creators of the blogs which were being recognized and honored as one of the Philippines' Finest Blogs. But tell me people, am I fucking asking too much too ask for RESPECT for recognizing me as NM's representative to the awards? Fuck the other more respectable words you could ever think of for a proxy. I wouldn't need that. All I asked was respect and they never gave it to me after I shook their hands.

Hmmm, it may be that, yes indeed, bawal nga ang proxy. But maybe the laughter, and the intimidating surroundings (which JJ confesses to) obfuscated the natural course of retort, which would be something like:

Hmmm, I wasn't aware of that. Maybe you can find out again, because I'm representing [insert blog here].

But instead his reply was:

But hey I'm JJ. Man you can't throw me off just like that. It was a good thing I remembered that represented a blog that envisioned a great country (if not Utopian) being enjoyed harmoniously by its citizens. If I'd blow this person's head off I'd be ruining the idea which I represent. It was a good thing I mustered every muscle of my mouth to absently bite the tactless remark, reply, "Bawal ba ang proxy? Hehehe..." and just walked away.

and of course, the blog entry.

While I was reading this, it (dis)pleases me to know that nothing in the physical world has changed (contrast to the virtual world, where bloggers exist). Filipinos still unwittingly enforce classes, and we half-begrudgingly accept it. As JJ stumbles through like an immigrant in a new country, he belies the class structures so systemic in our lives that we seldom see it.

The dilemma here is very unique: blogging is a very democratic process. So democratic that I can post a flaming comment on MLQ3's blog as much as he can on mine. The reverse is also true: people I would normally have little to no social access to, such as Bryanboy or Jessica Zafra, are now virtual contacts. If you post a comment on my blog, I cannot choose to ignore you. The content, anywhere you look, can go untramelled. Yet removed from this virtual world, we are back to our classes.

There, in that evening, is the doe-eyed neophyte, unsure and mesmerized, and is now fuming to disguise his heart breaking to see his heroes falter. There are the luminaries, behind the red line, ignoring the anonymous. To hear "Bawal ang proxy dito." is just a reinforcement of status quo, which in reality is an everyday thing. There's no disenchantment here, just a plain old reality check. And that's why you are so upset, JJ.