1. So, frack it, who is Bob Ong? No cheating.

This answer is brought to you by a paraphrase from Richard Lederer's 'The World According to Student Bloopers'

'Actually, Bob Ong was not written by Bob Ong but by another man of that name.'

That another man of that name sometimes makes paramdam by texting, emailing, and one time even sending a suspicious messenger just like in A Series of Unfortunate Events. Bob Ong is Lemony Snicket!

(Which reminds me: Benito Vergara's brother is Benito Vergara--two Benito Vergaras-- and their father is Benito Vergara, too.)

2. Five bad habits, biting toenails included.

Cracking my knuckles, punning, using more tissues or paper napkins than I really need, searching for my glasses everywhere when I'm wearing them. Wait, why five?

My note: Because it's impossible that you -- anyone-- have less than five.

3. Five guilty pleasures, including that little high you get in the morning from accidentally swallowing mouthwash.

Breath mints, eavesdropping on people arguing or making up in malls, listening to Aegis (disco version album). Five again?

My note: What about "Desperate Housewives"?

4. I have two grown siblings, a 10-year old niece, and my folks to shop for this Christmas (leaving out the spouse). I want to get them all books from the Philippine Literature shelf. What do I get them?

I'm not good at giving gifts but here goes:

Siblings: Rosario Cruz Lucero's Feast and Famine: Stories of Negros (University of the Philippines Press) and Menchu Aquino Sarmiento's Daisy Nueve: Stories Weird, Wonderful, Whatever (Anvil Publishing).

Niece: The Best of Lola Basyang translated by Gilda Cordero-Fernando and illustrated by Albert Gamos (Tahanan Books) or the series called Ang Mga Kuwento ni Lola Basyang ni Severino Reyes as retold by Christine S. Bellen (Anvil Publishing).

Folks: F. Sionil Jose's five novels better known as The Rosales Saga (Solidaridad Publishing), the two anthologies edited by Cristina Pantoja Hidalgo: Sleepless in Manila: Funny Essays, Etc. on Insomnia and My Fair Maladies: Funny Essays and Poems on Various Ailments and Afflictions (both from Milflores Publishing).

5. Why is poetry so inaccessible? Is it because it doesn't have to rhyme anymore?

This is a topic for a forum. I was part of one held in UP Diliman by a graduate seminar called 'Can Poetry Matter?'

My short response: People have forgotten how to listen, and I don't mean simply observing rhymes. They don't pay attention with the ear. When they do, it's to pick up meaning, to sort out information, to hear some music. Poetry is somewhere between speaking and music. That space is underappreciated, not necessarily inaccessible.

6. Did you like upstate New York? Nothing to do huh?

I was there in 2001 for the New York State Summer Writers Institute. That was where I began to write what is now Jolography. I wrote each day, I wrote a lot, but I still haven't answered your question. Yeah, nothing to do. *Gawa ng 'L' sa isang kamay at ilagay sa noo.*

7. A Jewish-American boy in Manila crosses Quezon Ave, near the Pegasus Hydromassage. Write a poem about that. Throw in a freak rainshower.

NGI!

The Jewish-American boy crosses
Quezon Avenue. How do we know who he is
And where we are? He stops to pose
For a snapshot outside Pegasus.
How do we know it's not a prank for TV:
The whole gang in the sidelines, Michael V
All made-up and in costume, waiting to please
With that dumbstruck look on his close-up face.

Where is that camera so we know
Where to wave? We too are special:
Half-this, half-that with perfect Filipino
Timing. The sky breaks even in April
And it rains--our private rainshower
That follows us wherever we go. When we gulp
To make a request there is canned laughter.
So we wave with both hands: Hi! Hello! Help!


8. The eight most beautiful non-English words, and why.

Here are some random choices: Mawqif (Arabic), Litost (Czech), Smirr (Scots), Weltanschauung (German), Sarang (Korean), Blagodarnost (Russian), Pìhuà (Mandarin), Unchi (Japanese).

How come I get the difficult lists, and with explanations. Hmm...I'll give you one brief explanation: sound, and some random choices:

Or:

anong, basta, Filipino, kahit, kasi, napakamalikhaing, salita, wika. Jumble them.

My note: Why you get difficult lists? Because I know you'd take on them!

9. Ever crossed-dress? If I made you, who would it be as?

Nope. Maybe Columbia from The Rocky Horror Show, provided I learn how to tap dance.

10. Six people you'd like to watch play "Jeopardy!", living or dead. Would they win at all?

Ludwig Wittgenstein (after all, "Jeopardy" is a language-game), Madame Blavatsky, Ernie Baron (to test his Knowledge Power), David Celdran (former quiz master becomes contestant), Butch Dalisay (who always beats my writer-friends in Trivial Pursuit even when they gang-up on him), Aiza Seguera (who I hope will turn Jeopardy into a Bulagaan portion).

My note: My money's on David Celdran. I think Ernie would take too long to answer (Zzzzz), Aiza wouldn't be able to see past the podium (mean), and neither Blavatsky nor Wittgenstein would know how to operate the clicker. Butch Dalisay would probably lead going in, but he'd have trouble with the Final Jeopardy category: Madonna.

Bonus question: Do you think Jessica Zafra *will* write the next great Filipino novel? If not, who?

Maybe she will, maybe Rosario Cruz Lucero.

My note: Met Rosario Cruz Lucero once. She's the mom of my former colleague. Very nice woman.

Tags: Paolo+Manalo, Wittgenstein, Blavatsky, Ernie+Baron, Philippines, Rosario+Cruz+Lucero, Jessica+Zafra, Carlos+Celdran, Butch+Dalisay, Aiza+Seguera