As I slowly settle into a routine, there are many things that I think I’ll never get used to. Chief amongst them is the “kulbit culture” so predominant in Filipino conversations. I probably never noticed it until I had a discussion with my cousin about his diet of psyllium husk while he ate lechon. When making a point, or starting a new subtopic, he would put down his fork (I sat to his left) and, in a manner more similar to flicking a switch, poke me in the shoulder.

I wondered first whether he thought he didn’t have my attention, which, with all the poking, he did. Then I realized that the flicking was pervasive enough to be a mindless habit -- which he of course thought was harmless. So I asked him, tapping him back incessantly, “Why are you always poking me?” He grinned back, mouth glistening with pork.

Indeed, it is viewed as harmless. When I did my rounds at my new job, people I’d never met before in my life were tapping my arm across the table (again, as if to catch my attention when it was duly given them), tapping me on my arm, patting me on my shoulder, all sorts. In fact, when I told a friend about my observations, she thought it was very strange; yet as soon as we moved to another conversation, she flicked my arm to make a point. “Aha!” I beamed.

There are deeper nuances: I’ve observed that people hardly ever flick you with one finger. That inadvertently might be viewed as rude. Flicking with three fingers in an upward motion -- the index, middle and ring finger -- and catching the flickee with the ring and middle finger, is a welcome motion. A sort of physical “hey!”; nothing wrong with it, except that it is annoying.

When engaged in a kulbit conversation, you would invariably encounter a tandem of physical gestures, switching from elbow and arm flicks to pat on the shoulder -- the two gestures are interchangeable: It doesn’t matter whether the flicker is about to start a sentence, end one, or is making a point more dramatic.

I am, as my friends know, a “touchy” person. I grew up a hugger, and hug everyone. Yet in this kulbit culture, those two or three fingers seem to penetrate a personal sphere that I’ve yet to make permeable. My elbows seldom get touched, and to poke them is really extraordinary. To get poked after every sentence is just plain annoying.