Well, I haven't blogged in a while. The last two weekends were spent bike riding and topless on Miami Beach. Certainly not shabby reasons to be blog-shy.

On a visit to South Beach, I went to see the Wolfsonian Gallery, which has one of the largest collections of Propaganda Artwork in the United States. The lithographs were astonishing, and so was an exhibit on the evolution of the modern chair, and another on souvenirs from the St Louis, the Chicago, the Milan and the Paris Expositions, including entire booths, and pieces of a gate designed by Alexander Calder.

Miami Beach was everything it promised to be: sun, sand and lots of people having fun. True, there were a few topless thonged sunbathers, but they were probably all twice my age (making them less remarkable than this German guy wearing a very small Speedo) . You generally meet no one actually from Miami, and from what we heard, people don't like to live there: you get evacuated about three times a year because of hurricanes.

Most of my time was spent walking (which led to the demise of my leather sandals). On Collins Avenue, which stretches all the way down to South Beach, you'll find hotels upon hotels, including pretty boutique ones that simply beg you to come back for another getaway, with names like The Pierre and Le Fountaine. Along Ocean Drive (which straddles the -- you guessed it -- ocean) that's where you will find all the bars and clubs, which are as alive during the day as they are at night. Hordes of bikini-clad women with their fake chests line up to get into Club Havana and the like for a drink with an umbrella on it. Then there was a pool party which reminded me of a scene from MTV Spring Break. I couldn't resist the Hooters charm but I'd probably get lost in the crowd wearing a golf shirt and holding a bag of museum shop goodies. I looked for Le Birdcage and thought about maybe having something there for lunch, but I was probably better off eating at The Pita Hut anyway.

Still I ended up eating at this deli, which made me wait for 10 minutes to get a menu, another 15 minutes to get my sandwich (how long does it take to make a pastrami sandwich) and another 15 minutes to get my check.

The best part of the trip was a visit to the old John Deering house, renamed the Vizcaya house after the Bay of Biscayne (don't ask). We had a guide who reminded me of that exorcist lady in "Poltergeist", and she knew her thing. The house is as old as the Pyramids, but it had an elevator and rooms upon rooms of silk wallpaper and an obscenely rich homeowner with a healthy Neoclassic Italian villa obsession. There were busts for every Caesar, lions and river gods and every font and column (doric, ionic and Corinthian) was on display in this massive 12 bedroom summer home.

There is, of course, a manicured garden and secret doors that let the man of the house spring teleportation acts upon his guests. Every wall was decorated with tapestry or artwork from the late 18th century (he wasn't shy about importing art from Europe into this oppressive tropical environment), and curiosities (like porcelain wine vats, and large oak tables buttressed with unicorns) filled every nook and cranny. My favorite was this curtain tie-back that looked like a cross between a salamander and Gollum.

The place had more than just history: it had celebrity. Movies from the 50's to Ace Ventura Pet Detective and Any Given Sunday were shot here. I had fun looking into the pool where Snowflake, the kidnapped dolphin in Jim Carrey's detective comedy, was supposedly being held captive. Then there was the garden that doubled as the front yard of Ray Finkle's mental institution.

Finally, the whole Miami Art Deco experience is also pretty wild. Nothing fits the utopic atmosphere and luxurious trappings of Miami Beach (reflex blue cabanas!) better than 1920's opulent decorative style filled with curves, chrome, and cobalt mirrors. Images of the Transatlantique's exagerrated luxury liners come to life as we can see the Carnival cruises rumbling out to the Bahamas, their silhouettes almost ten-stories high.

The rest of the time, I went swimming and got a few shades darker. And I also used the outdoor jacuzzi. Wait till you see the pics.