Unfortunately, the system works like an ATM, and it will deactivate my account after having tried three different passwords. On the website it says:

Once you are connected, simply request for your User Id or password reset. You will be transferred to an Internet Banking officer who will assist you in your password reset

So I tried calling BPI's 1-866 number and got passed from one person to another. My first try, the Internet Banking Officer was engaged in another call and they asked me to wait 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES?!?!? Okay, so I called again the next day and here are the highlights:

I gave them accurately my full name, my address, my email address, my spouse's name, the proper account number, my mother's maiden name, my birthday, the branch we opened it with, and every wretched sordid detail she asked for except, EXCEPT, the actual balance.

I countered: Well, let's see, isn't it plain to say that the reason why I'm accessing my account is to find that out exactly?

Her: Yes, sir, but we need the actual amount.

Me: Well, let me see, maybe it's around [number]

Her: Sorry sir, but that's not the exact amount.

Me: (steaming) If you noticed, I haven't accessed my account in about 9 weeks. Would you reasonably expect me to remember, down to the decimal point, the amount I have in there, one of many accounts I have?

Her: Sorry, but we do need the amount. I can give you the number of the branch...

Me: I'm calling the branch? Then what?

Her: They will give you the amount, then call us back so that we can change your password?

Me: What? I can't do it in one go?

Her: No sir, it's our policy.

Me: Let me get this right, I have everything you need, except the actual amount. How many people do you know out there are INTIMATELY AWARE of how much money they have? I've given you a figure, give or take a thousand. You can't help me at all?

Her: Sir, I'm sorry sir, but that's our policy.

Me: (shaking my head in disbelief) I can't believe that you're telling me the only way I can get to my account, despite my full and accurate description of every other detail surrounding it, is that I need to know the actual balance. Don't you find that riduculous at all?

Her: Silence.

Me: Do YOU know the actual amount you have in your account?

Her: Yes, sir. I do.

Me: (surprised, but equal to the challenge). Okay, but when was the last time you saw your balance?

Her: Yesterday, sir.

Me: Well, there you go.

Her: Sir, I can give you the number of the branch. But you would have to call them later at 9 AM.

Me: Thanks, but you've been nothing but helpful.

Happy place, happy place, happy place.