March 19, 2004

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Master and Commander

I was really looking forward to this movie. Here's why it's such a let down:

1. I can't understand half of what they're saying. It's either lost in 150 year old naval mumbo-jumbo or in an accent so thick, you can spread it on toast.

2. In a plot-driven movie (as opposed to character-driven movies like "A Beautiful Mind"), it moved along too slow, and there were some situations that were far too stupid: the suicide of one of the officers who thought he was "bad luck", the sudden no-wind situation, the auto-surgery the doctor performed, the amputation of a boy's right arm -- preposterous! Unbelievable! I'll take my orcs and witch kings any time.

3. I got claustrophobic on the ship. A bit like Crimson Tide.

4. What is up with those violin and double bass duets?

5. Also, I would often have to stop and visualize how the boats were out-foxing each other. You'll need to remind yourself which one's "starboard" and which one's "port". The latter is left, right?

6. Naturalists, at least these days, mean nude colonists, and not bird-watching, bug-hunting, Galapagos tourists.

7. Not enough Crowe getting medieval on someone's ass.