I'm stuck in Los Banos, groping through my antihistamine medication and the sweltering heat (mainit pa sa singit) and am trying to blog using my Dad's 56k dialup. Maaan, life is tough.

Today I learned that I did not really exist. And it's all my parent's fault for being confused with my name all the freakin' time. I have a birth certificate with "Benito Sj Vergara" on it -- fine, noting that there was correcting fluid on the certificate concealing what could have been some other name.

That name, "Benito Sj Vergara", is the name I have stuck to since college (after the rediscovery of my Birth Certificate as required by UP for admission). It is now appropriate that I mention that my brother's name is Benito M. Vergara, Jr. and my father's name is Benito S. Vergara. Also, it is appropriate to mention that we go by with no small amount of confusion.

Especially my case. Clearly my father is himself, and so is my brother. But since my name sounds like I am the third "Benito", people have confused me as the son of my brother. In fact, when I was in grade school, my name was indeed "Benito S. Vergara III" (I remember writing my name on the test paper that way).

Then, came high school when somehow I dropped the "III" (too tacky and, of course, a misnomer) and went by "Benito Sj M. Vergara". "Sj" read like my second first name, and "M" the maiden name of my mother, which was rightfully my middle name.

If you're not following, here's where we are at: My brother is "Benito M. Vergara, Jr." and I am (at least in high school), "Benito Sj M. Vergara". This, of course, is no less tacky than "III", but I had to live with it, not to mention having gone to the same school as my brother, his shadow loomed.

Until I got into college, where the admissions department demanded some sort of affidavit, because when I applied to the school, my name was "Benito Sj M. Vergara" but when I presented my birth certificate, low and behold, my name there was "Benito Sj Vergara". My middle name was technically "Sj" (which is often confused as San Juan). I remember my mother telling me, "You're no longer my son, because you don't have my middle name."

Well, mom, that's not my fault now, is it?

So, I had to present an affidavit saying that I am both "Benito Sj M Vergara" and "Benito Sj Vergara" AND that I am neither "Benito S. Vergara" nor "Benito M. Vergara, Jr." Crazy-ass sh*t. Where did all the creativity go?

Now, I rummaged for my baptismal certificate, and, wait for it, my name written on the certificate is "Benito Simplicio Vergara". So, it seems that in the eyes of God, someone else was baptized. What the hell right?

The lowest of lows as far as this etymological confusion goes was when I discovered that our neighbor's dog was named "Benito". It's not a common name at all, except, I guess, in this family.